How to keep your cool in a foreign country

…which my last post was not an example of.  With some time to reflect on the desperation that I felt while writing my last entry, I realize that the incident with my postdoc maybe wasn't that bad, or even wholly my fault.  In talking to some others around me, I realize now that I am not unique how flustered I am, here although that is still no excuse for acting out on it.  Or reacting so adversely to my acting out.  These kinds of things--lapses in communication, confrontations as a result of different cultural expectations, and flustered moments on account of nothing being what you're used to--are what happen in foreign countries, and the key to enjoying a stay abroad is to figure out how to keep your cool in the face of all of this.

Admittedly, I think I'm more of an emotional person than many, and others might not experience some of the extreme moods that I go through.  Perhaps "emotional" isn't quite the right word, but I just mean that I'm always checking in on my feelings, self-evaluating, and as a result, things like dissatisfaction compound when I become, for example, dissatisfied with the fact that i am dissatisfied.  Yes, I know, a really healthy coping mechanism, isn't it?

I have, though, managed to find a number of healthy coping mechanisms, which I am going to record today, so I can refer back to them when things go haywire again.  The first key to moving alone (and I'm sure this applies any number of smaller moves, such as a new job or city), is to be ok with being alone.  Luckily, as an only child, I have this one down decently well.  Arriving with a lot of solo projects either in hand (knitting, reading) or in mind (learning yoga, organizing your electronic photo album) is a good idea.  It's also important to quickly get over the self-consciousness of doing things alone.  There is truly nothing wrong with eating in a restaurant by yourself, with a book or a letter/postcard to write, or just with nothing at all.  It doesn't mean you're a loner, or sad, or anything like that, and in fact, it often makes you seem more approachable for conversation.

The second big key is to establish what's familiar, so you can go back to it.  For example, and this might sound really silly, but I find that shopping malls are the same everywhere.  Farmers' markets, hawker centers, and other independent entities might be hard to navigate sometimes, because they adhere to local custom.   Shopping malls, though, the kinds with food courts and escalators, are pretty much identical everywhere I've been.  As a result, when I'm feeling lost or confused in a new place, I'll often just go to a mall.  There, I can pop in and out of stores, people don't usually try to talk to me, and if I want to buy something, it's as simple as placing an item on the counter with a credit card.

Another big one for me is running, and of course now, frisbee.  Both of those have worked out pretty well for me here.  In general I find that if I don't go outside at least once a day, I don't quite feel right.  But sometimes, on the weekends in a new place, you just don't have anything to do or anyone to do it with.  (I know that goes back to my first point, but certain activities do work better with more people.)  Luckily, I can always go for a run.  Runs serve many purposes: I get outside, I feel productive, I can explore a new place, and it kills time.  Frisbee has been a nice addition to my life as well, because I get all of that, plus human interaction!  More generally, though, playing frisbee here has been fascinating and comforting because it does involve other people, and somehow, unlike in my academic life, I am able to connect and communicate with these people, often without saying anything at all.  If I show up to pickup with my cleats and a frisbee, the game will unfold just as I expect, and even the banter and humor is the same, despite being 9500 miles away.  That, to me, is pretty amazing, and makes home seem a little less distant.

Traveling to a new country is exhilarating, frightening, adrenaline-inducing, and so much more.  Upon arriving you are immediately thrust into a state of being hyper-aware, looking for everything you need: public transit, the drugstore, dinner.  When language is involved, the phenomenon is compounded. Sometimes, though, it's important just to remain calm.  To have "normal" moments in life, times when you're doing something that you could or would do anywhere.  To not have adventures.  To not try new things.  So much newness and sensory input can be overwhelming, and sometimes, what I really just need to do is go to a mall and eat at a food court, where the food tastes artificial but at least I was expecting it.